I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
