:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
