you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
