I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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