I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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