he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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