is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize