i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
