It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
