i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
