Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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