You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
