Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
