i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
