Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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