Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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