There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
