I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
