I want to have your abortion
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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