Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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