I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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