New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
