i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
