There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
