Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
