This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize