apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
