And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
