Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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