she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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