i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
