you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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