Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
