There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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