can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
