watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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