We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
