Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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