yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
