perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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