I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
