You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just gift wrapped bread.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm always down for nudity.
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