If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize