my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
