Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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