We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
