we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize