the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
