and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
