You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
