another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I AM VODKA MAN
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
