You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
