Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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