Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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