At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize