he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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