I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
