Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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