3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
