Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
