Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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