you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
