first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
