I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
