she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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