I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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