Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
